A Rage quit letter to @Flixster

**WARNING** – The following Rage Quit contains content that might make you throw up. It is strongly advised that you not read this if you don’t have a strong stomach, or are in the middle of eating anything. Thank You.

Dear Flixter: You suck ass. Smelly, nasty, dirty ass. I tweeted and posted all about you, and you gave me 3 movies, 2 of which were the same. The Movies in question were “Austin Powers: International man of mystery” and “Blow” – TWICE.

Here’s the thing: I ALREADY HAVE THE AUSTIN POWERS MOVIE. I have it on DVD AND BLU-RAY, so what the fuck ?!

And I DON”T LIKE THE MOVIE “BLOW” – Could NOT get into it. When I heard I could get a free movie just for tweeting and posting to Facebook, I thought I could CHOOSE from a limited selection of films. Instead, they were all given to me at random. Can you say “Bullshit”?


Another issue: WHY do I need to go to another service in order to enjoy a movie in stream? It defeats the whole purpose of going to you guys. Why I can’t I just buy the movie online thru flixster? Buy it, Download it, Stream it, and watch it anywhere, all from ONE site – no other places needed. That makes more sense to me.

I don’t want to sign up to more websites. What is this crazy shit? There is no point of signing up with you guys, when I can just go straight to that service and sign up there.

It is NOT hard to stream video. It does not require a series of sites to work together in tandem to stream/store video. Proof? Youtube. You go to Youtube, search for a video, click on it, and bam! It’s starts up. Don’t have to go somewhere else, no other services to sign up to – fuck, I don’t even need to sign up to watch the fucking videos. Youtube knows what the fuck is going on. And if I do want to signup to upload videos, post comments, etc, I can do it all at YOUTUBE. It’s a one stop shop – what the fuck are you thinking?

It makes no sense to be a service that offers movies, but has to use a volley of external services to “provide” them to the customers.

It boggles my mind why some companies made it hard to buy their products and/or services. Lookit, I have money – you know, that paper-like, durable material with the pictures of Long-Dead Presidents that has dollar amounts on it? And the thing is, when I have enough money, I may want to buy a few things, like Porn, food, clothes, condoms, maybe a pizza or two, and, wait for it….Movies!

So seeing that I want to buy a movie and watch it any fucking possible way I want, I should be able to go to one site, buy it, and enjoy it anyway I want. But no, you gotta make it hard and difficult and bullshit me to the fullest. And you appear to love bullshitting, thus proving how much you suck ass.

Speaking of sucking ass, let me tell you about how nasty that ass you enjoy sucking so much is:

Imagine a 250 pound Man, sitting in a pile of horse shit for 20 minutes. He gets up from that pile, and heads over to a massage table, where he lays down on his stomach and, using a long-handled wooden spoon, evenly distributes and smears the horse shit all over his butt. He then calls for an assistant, who is wearing a hazmat suit (because this ass-sucking is reserved only for the elite ass-suckers) to pour liquid dog shit on said ass, and turn some heat lamps on to dry the shit onto the ass.

After 10 minutes, the man carefully puts on a nasty pair of dirty underwear, to retain all that nasty goodness, and walks all the way to the Flixster offices – 0.5 miles away. Once he gets there, he disrobes, cuts the underwear off with scissors, pours chocolate sauce and sprinkles (For color and flavor, of course) on the rancid creation, and yells “Lunch time!!”, in which EVERY EMPLOYEE AT FLIXSTER FORMS A LINE AND SUCKS THE TAINT OF THIS NASTY ASS for 1, whole, minute.

That, is how nasty the ass is, Flixster. That is the ass you love to suck.

Fuck this, I’m going to Netflix. I thought it sucked to pay extra for DVD’s and streaming, but after this crap, I now realize its worth the cash. I don’t have to install software, or go to other sites to watch the movies they have, and I can pick what I want to watch too.

I’m uninstalling Flixster Desktop, I’m revoking access of your app on my Facebook, AND I will NOT Follow you on twitter. Fuck you Flixster. To Take a Quote from the legendary Angry Video Game Nerd:

Fuck it to hell, Fuck it to high heaven, purgatory and all existence!




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