This blog post, believe it or not, is mainly for the ladies. This POV I’m about to drop comes not from anger, but from the concern I have with Cosmo Magazine, and the mad respect I have for you lovely women out there in the world. Let’s start…
I’m pretty sure that one or more of my blog readers is a woman who has a copy of this magazine laying around:
It may be on your Kindle or iPad..It may have just arrived in your mailbox, or you are on the website right now. And you may think this magazine is the business…
I can tell you right now ladies – reading this magazine is doing you more harm than good.
This magazine makes you think that:
- it’s ok to bash a woman for having a better body than you.
- think that you have to dress a certain way to NOT be called a slut.
- there is a secret to turning a man on, and
- tells you the “Signs” to look for when you feel your man is cheating on you.
This Magazine is Bullshit, from cover to cover. Let’s digress shell we? I’d like to start with this little gem:
“It’s ok to bash a woman for having a better body than you”
In early June 2012, Cosmo took a very nasty shot at Nicole “Coco” Austin, over the way she dressed while walking her dogs. They called her “Skanky” There is an article about all this over at the Huffington Post. Here is a link for you: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/06/08/coco-cosmo-skany-comment_n_1580912.html
You see the picture in the article ? Does that look “Skanky” to you? Some of you may say “yes”, but I assure you the answer is No. It’s not.
I don’t see WHY women do this brow bashing to each other. It’s not helping anyone, and it’s a very shallow way of looking at things. If a woman has big breasts, or great curves, she must be a skank. There is ZERO chance she has a brain or feelings. She’s just there to look silly and fake, Right?
No – not even true. A woman’s intellect has NEVER been determined by how she dresses, yet society still believes and makes sure to get you to believe the opposite to be true. I can hear the little condescending voice in jealous women right now:
“Oh look at her – Her breasts are bigger than mine. Look how round her ass is. I just can’t stand how perfect she looks. I hate her. Let’s complain and call her all kinds of names!”
Yes, I’m paraphrasing – but I do know what Jealously sounds like, so I’m pretty sure I’m on the money here.
Ladies, you should never be jealous of anybody – its a waste of time, money and effort that could be better spent do something constructive, like being happy with the skin you live in, telling yourself that you look great, and paying a woman a compliment on the way she dresses, etc.
Wait, there is a better way to express my POV on this. Not only did I read that article, but I posted a comment on it:
There will NEVER come a time I’ll get tired of that comment.
Let’s Move on to “you have to dress a certain way to NOT be called a slut”
That is FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE. There are women who dress casually sexy, and still get called a slut. I’ve seen it happen tons of times before – a woman could be wearing a nice decent dress, nothing risqué about it, and a woman will think she is/looks like a slut.
Let me tell you something – a slut can come in all shapes, sizes, colors, genders and outfits. They can dress down and look just as plain as vanilla ice cream, and still be a slut – you never can really tell.
By the way, the true definition of a slut, is a woman (or a man) who fucks anything that can stand upright and has a pulse. Charlie Harper from “2.5 Men” is a prime example of a slut, and a male one at that. I would also like to point out the irony on this concept – I refer to the pic from above:
So… Demi Lovato on the COVER of this magazine, wearing a provocative dress and looking all hot and sexy is “Stylish”, but Coco wearing a tight top and jeans walking her dogs, is “Skanky”?
“She dresses like a slut!” – Yeah, Cut that shit the fuck out.
Onward now to “You think there is a secret to getting a man turned on”
Ladies, Please – there is NO secret to getting a man turned on…Hell, just earlier today I saw a woman bend over wearing tight jeans, and had her booty sticking out. I almost crashed into a wall !
It does not take a lot to get a man turned on. About 95% of things that a woman does, as innocent as it may be is MORE THAN CAPABLE for giving any guy, including me, a hard on.
A Short list includes, and is not limited to:
- Brushing your hair
- being on your period (Yes, some guys find that hot)
- Bending over to do anything
- Taking a bath
- Taking a Shower
- Watching sports
- Driving a car (No, I’m not making this shit up)
I’ve said it before, but it bares repeating: There really is no big secret. As a matter of fact, I’ll tell you the best way to turn a man on – GET NAKED.
Yes, it’s as simple as that. Why does that work? Because Men LOVE naked women, that’s why. The Second we see a nipple, we are hard as stone. And the best part: you can be naked as much as you like. You don’t even need to ask to get naked – just get naked. Feel free to take your clothes off, we won’t mind one bit.
And now, it’s time to conclude with this little piece of shit:
“The “Signs” to look for when you feel your man is cheating on you.”
Cosmo don’t know shit one about knowing when someone is cheating on you. Here is a list of the “Warning Signs” that the guy you are with is cheating on you:
- His Throat Gets Dry
- He Wants More Sex
- He Gives Too Many Details
- His Hands Go into His Pockets
- If He’s Overly Protective of His Gadgets, He’s Hiding Something
- If He’s Happy, He’s Cheating
- If His Friends Don’t Talk to You, He Doesn’t Love You
So, if your guy is someone who likes to get a glass of water now and then, after having really hot wild sex with you, enjoys talking about his day in detail, Has friends that don’t talk to you because you most likely don’t have anything in common with them, loves to put his hands in his pockets because he looks cool like that, is protective of his gadgets, for fear he might lose them, AND is 110% Completely HAPPY being with you, he’s cheating.
And it gets crazy from there: you should read some of the “Revenge Solutions” they have for someone who is “cheating”:
- Dust the insides of his freshly washed boxers with hot chili powder.
- Donate his 60-inch plasma to charity.
- Engaged? Write him a touching thank-you note for the 3-carat Tiffany diamond ring that will now be worn on your middle finger.
- Change his e-mail’s auto response to “I’m unavailable today due to a raging case of genital warts.”
- “Forget” where you parked his vintage convertible.
- Take a photo of yourself naked, then blur out all the good parts and leave it on his pillow with a message that says, “Too bad you’ll never see these again.”
- Invite your friends to a backyard bonfire using his clothes and prized sports equipment as kindling.
- Resist the urge to break up with him until the day of his big meeting — then give him a Sharpie mustache right before his alarm goes off.
- Serve up Ex-Lax brownies to give him puh-lenty of time to sit and think about what he’s done.
- Challenge him to a naked wrestling match and whip out your signature move, the Ten-Fingered Ball-Crusher.
Seriously Cosmo – What the flying Fuck are you doing? Who hurt you? Jealous Much?
Ladies: Here is an Ideal solution to dealing with your Boyfriend who you KNOW is cheating on you: BREAK UP WITH HIM! Put his shit in a box marked “His”, leave it by the door (on the inside), tell him to pick it up, and never speak to him again. If you try any of those “suggestions” on that revenge list from Cosmo, I’m pretty sure you’ll most likely be on an episode of Judge Judy, looking like a fucking fool in front of 10 Million Viewers (And yes, I’ll most likely be one of those viewers).
Now, let’s edit that cheating list a bit:
- He Doesn’t have sex with you, or there is ZERO Intimacy
- He LIES a LOT
- He is registered to Dating sites where he is listed as being Single
- You find Panties that aren’t yours (Bigger or Smaller sizes than yours)
- You Find Condom Wrappers in places you’ve never had sex (Car, Basement, Garage)
- ACTUALLY CATCH HIM HAVING SEX IN YOUR BED WITH ONE OR MORE WOMEN.
See? Isn’t that list more reasonable? If these things are happening, then something is wrong.
I strongly feel that this Magazine is the main reason there are so many fucked up relationships nowadays. Slam women who dress provocatively or look better than you, think they also might be a slut, and if you are happy in a loving relationship, you’re being cheated on.
Holy Fucking SHIT.
Ladies, There are TONS of Publications that are more rewarding and are worth your time and money. Cosmo is not one of them. A Magazine that has the potential to turn you from a Well-adjusted woman, into a spiteful, neurotic, slightly-paranoid Woman bashing mess on a TV show, is NOT worth your time.
You don’t need that shit Ladies. Fuck Cosmo Magazine. Thanks for reading.