Herman Cain is TOUCHING ME! HELP ME @TAYSTEVENS !


The Date: October 19, 2011

The Time: 9:45pm

My Dinner: Pasta

It was a semi-cold night. I was listening to a guy in glasses talk about Some guy running for President… and I think was having some kind of Stroke, or might be drunk. Afterwards, he started smoking right in front of me what a dick

Anyway, when he was finished, I was in a dark room with the blinds drawn shut. A Dark Figure. He wore glasses, and slowly grinned at me. My heart skipped a beat, I shuddered – I was freaking the fuck out..

..and then, I felt my ass being grabbed. Was it a woman? I wish it was: it was this dude in the dark – And him name is Herman Cain!

 

OK OK…That really didn’t happen. I was poking fun at the Campaign Ad Mr. Cain posted on his Youtube account. Have a look:

 

It’s a stupid ad, isn’t it? Did you feel like you were violated at the end? For serious, WHY would anyone take 8 seconds to fully smile?! It’s fucking creepy as fuck!

For those of you who may have seen Cain before, he was the CEO of “Grandfather’s Pizza” from 1986-1996 – Sidenote: To this day, their pizza sucks ass berries. Gross.

He was also Deputy Chairman of the Federal Reserve Bank of Kansas City from 1992–1994 and became Chairman from 1995-1996

I bring this up these little nuggets of info, because for some strange reason, he appears to be super stupid. I’m talking if a Moron had sex with a Drunken Woman who has a LOT of air in her head and had a baby, Herman Cain is the kid in the family.

Oh, you doubt me? Take a look at this clip of Herman Cain, trying way too hard not to say three little words:

 

The three word are: I. Don’t. Know. He doesn’t know shit one about Libya. How hard is it for a politician to say he doesn’t know something, and he’s gonna find out and get back to us?

This ball of crazy is trying to downplay that he doesn’t know much about Libya, and he’s failing poorly doing so.

Come on man, just admit it.

Speaking of Admitting things, How about coming clean about those women you felt up, allegedly?

You’ve worked hard most of your adult life – sometimes you need a bit of relief, and you went about the wrong way of doing so. Bill Clinton did it – he was a US President for 8 years. He was under a lot of pressure and tension, and his relief was having a little play time with a white house intern, who loved to wear thong underwear.

If Herman Cain wants to be president, he has to come clean about his indiscretions – brushing them off doesn’t put him in a strong light at all, in my honest opinion.

And believe it or not, Mr. Cain is proving me right:

 

Did you click that? Did you HEAR that?! A 13 Year love affair ?! “The Black Clinton”, anyone?

(Before you get all pissed off, I’m black, so it’s not in bad taste to say that)

Another issue that is bothering me about this guy: his “999 Plan”. Really? You know the 999 Plan only works in three places:

1. SimCity:

344574_3

 

2. Adult phone/online sex chat services

unclesam

 

um…OK, and 3. Pizza Specials:

Pizza_Slut___Anyone_Hungry__by_wildman10

(hehe – don’t tell me that you didn’t see that last pic coming. ^_^ )

Last I checked, I live in the United States of America, not the United States of Pizza. It won’t fucking work! Ok, It might work with the Pizza Slut ladies, but that’s about it.

To sum up:

Herman Cain really is not presidential material, not one bit. He should just stop this madness, and focus on being an average guy who has problems just like the rest of us. Bowing out of the race is also something he should actually do.

We are supposed to elect politicians who KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT – being a Politician is not about bending over for anyone and taking it up the ass all the way to the base of the dick – it’s also not a career; You are there for as long as the voters say you should be there. The US Government is there to protect the Freedoms of its people and country, to call the shots and things we civilians don’t need to deal with, and do what needs to be done to keep things running smoothly WITHOUT stomping all over the  constitution, having internal pissing matches with each other, and leaving the us shit out of luck.

For serious: what the hell are we doing here?

 

I’m gonna leave it at the for the time being. People, stop voting for conservatives, they don’t know what the fuck they are talking/doing/thinking about.

 

UPDATE: Herman Cain Announced that he is “Suspending” his Presidential Campaign – or to Paraphrase: “I got caught in my shit. I can’t take it, and I’m quitting this shit.”

YAY!!!!

 

I thank you for reading this entry. As a reward for doing so, I present a picture of the insanely hot and amazing Taylor Stevens – You’ve more than earned it:

Laters…wait, why say anything here? There is no fucking way you are reading this line at all.

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