“An open letter to Bristol Palin”

Dear Bristol,

What THE fuck is your deal? I have listened to all the shit that has come out of your ass for the longest time, and I can’t stand it anymore.

Just because people don’t like you or your mom does NOT make them gay. Also, using homophobic slurs at all is a MILLION TIMES WRONG. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Oh, here’s something I want to mention: “Stealing” and “Losing” your virginity is NOT the same thing. You state that Levi “Stole your Virginity”, but he really didn’t, it just “Felt like that” – You are basically saying (and I’m paraphrasing btw): “Levi raped me, but it wasn’t a rape” – It makes no fucking sense at all. Here’s how I think it went down: you and Levi got a little drunk and decided to have sex. It was consensual, I’m pretty sure you both enjoyed it, AND didn’t use a condom. Tsk, Tsk, Tsk.

Thought that was too much? Brace yourself, I’m not done yet:

Read this part very carefully – Your Mom is NOT smart. She is not the sharpest Knife in the drawer. The light bulb over her head is so dim, we can’t tell if it’s on or busted. She is all looks and little brains. Speaking of Looks (oh yes, I’m going there)….

You MUST accept the fact that your mom is H-O-T. I’m talking Porn Star hot. They made those “Who’s Nailin’ Paylin” Movies for a fucking reason. I’m pretty sure that a vast majority of men in the world are thinking of doing all kinds of naughty things to her, and there is nothing gay about that at all.

I may not agree with her views and opinions, but I could make her damn proud to be a Democrat for a day. No Bullshit about that.

And since we are talking about sex, let’s cut the shit and get real here: You have to admit the “Abstinence Only” Programs don’t fucking work at all. The ONLY thing you learn in those programs is “Wait, Wait, Wait”, and “Premarital Sex is dirty and wrong” – you learn NOTHING about STD’S, HIV/AIDS, BIRTH CONTROL, PRACTICING SAFE SEX, PREGANACY AND CONDOMS. And you will need to learn about this sooner than later.

You can drop the act and admit that learning about all this the hard way is not recommended.

Finally, I understand that you and Levi have your issues with each other, but you need to give him the chance to be a dad. That appears to be all he wants from you. He wants to be there for the child you share with him. There are men in this world who wouldn’t want to even think of being in their child’s life – I see them on Maury all the time: Some dude doesn’t know how to use a condom, fucks ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING that stands upright, has a pulse and has great Tits and an Ass to play with in the nude.

When they discover these women are pregnant, they can’t deny and hit the ground running fast enough.

You are one of the lucky ones – Levi WANTS TO BE THERE.

So, do the world a favor: Cut out all this bullshit, give Levi a chance, and take a strong stand against stupidity – use your head.

Thank you for reading.


PS. : btw, if your mom gets a divorce or gets lonely, have her get in touch with me on Twitter. (@PlayBoyMan) – I’ll be tender. ;D

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